Rough Days

Today was a rough day. I was tired and sleepy (still am) and so dizzy that I feel like I've put my head on a bat and twirled around for 20 seconds. My eyes won't focus on the same thing and that drives me nuts because it makes it hard to read or use the computer. I cooked supper but it wasn't quite a success. The food was great, but the fact that I almost burned my fingers and turned on all the wrong burners despite the fact that they are labeled specifically for me was more than I could handle. It ended in tears. But Joel was there to comfort me and remind me that it is toxins in my brain making me do things like that. He got me a Coke (my love language) and assured me it would all be okay. I know it will be okay, but sometimes in the thick of things it feels like it won't. Now I'm attached to my faithful IV pole to try to get rid of some of those toxins. Here she is: Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow, but if I don't, I'm just gonna go sit outside because for some reason I'm not dizzy our there. It is my oasis, a special blessing. And even if I can't sit outside, I'll be okay because of what it says in Lamentations 3:22. "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

My First Rooster

I thought I would introduce you today to the first rooster I raised. His name is Gus and he is a beautiful Americauna/Easter Egger rooster. I suspected that he was a rooster the day I got him. He was only 2 days old. He was twice the size of all the chicks and he was fat. Very fat. For that reason, he reminded me of Gus Gus the mouse in Cinderella. I named him Gus and decided that if he turned out to be a she, I would call him Augusta. My initial suspicion was correct... He started crowing and grew up to be a handsome, but loud, lad. Gus was a fabulous rooster, always protecting his ladies. The problem was that he was also trying to protect them from me. When he was away from the hens, he was an absolute gentleman. I would sit on the coop floor and he would stare in my eyes and let me pet him as long as I wanted to. He let me carry him around. But he gradually got more aggressive. I didn't think it was too bad, but with a central line in my chest for the IV treatment, I couldn't take a chance. After he seriously injured my other rooster who wasn't the least bit aggressive toward me, I decided to re-home him. I still wish he lived in my backyard, but I do have a great rooster named Adah and he is the sweetest roo I know. I'll introduce you to him later.

Lyme Disease Awareness Month

     The month of May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month. I love Black  History Month, but other than that I don't keep up with what awareness month it is. I can barely keep up with which month it actually is anyway. This year, however, Lyme Disease Awareness means a lot to me because I am doing IV antibiotics after having Lyme Disease for 16 years. 16 years is half of my life. I used to be able to control the Lyme with oral antiobiotc treatment every few years. In the past year or two, however, the Lyme had become so bad that it was seriously affecting my digestive system. Without a properly working digestive system, I couldn't take tons of pills (my stomach couldn't digest them), and my intestines wouldn't absorb them even if they were digested.
     Last fall, Joel and I realized that something had to be done. And I was TERRIFIED. I didn't want to do IV therapy. We knew that the insurance company wouldn't cover it and that we would have to pay for all of it ourselves, but we also knew that there weren't any other options for us. Joel let me make the decision. He was okay with whatever I chose. That was scary too. He left the choice to me because I would be the one who would deal with all the side effects the medicines would throw at me.
     It took months for me to think about whether I wanted to do the treatment or not. I was too scared to pray about it. Then, at the Christmas social for my Tuesday morning Bible study, I shared with the other women that I was too scared to even pray about. So, instead of telling me to get over my fears, they prayed for me. That one night was such a blessing for me. For just a few hours I was freed from my fears and I prayed hard, knowing that the fear would try to regain control of my life. On the 45 minute drive home, I pray that God would give me wisdom and a clear indication as to whether or not to pursue the IV therapy knowing that it would cost us tens of thousands of dollars.
    That night God's answer was clearly "Yes." I opened my Bible to read when I got home and the passage was the transfiguration of Jesus in Matthew 17. The Bible says that Jesus took Peter, James, and John up to a mountain with them. There, he was transformed-his face was radiant and clothes became pure white. In essence, he became the image of the glory of God. The disciples (like me) were terrified, but Christ was comforted them. Matthew 17:17it says: "But Jesus came and touched them. 'Get up,' he said. 'Don't be afraid.' When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus." I felt like Christ had just spoken those very words to me. I knew that if I looked only at Jesus through this crazy journey, I could make it to the other side. I didn't know how it would all happen, but when Christ speaks, you move. You are willing to do crazy things that you don't know how you will pay for. I agreed to do a treatment that would make me oh-so-sick before I ever got better. I agreed to let God handle the money for us. I agreed to let God walk us through this for his glory, because without him I just couldn't make it.
    This is the short version of what is going on. Not all posts will be doom and gloom (though today and yesterday sure felt like it). Please forgive this English minor's grammatical errors. Forgive the spelling errors. The treatment really muddles my brain, but I can explain that later. It has been humbling for me to suddenly not be able to do things that I took pride in before I started treatment. It's been humbling, but I am learning that a humble place is a great place to grow in God.